The Whalley Reviews: The Castlevania Games Part 2 (Video Games New Looks)

Welcome back! To the next addition of The Castlevania Games part 2! This week we'll be looking at...

*Sighs*

Castlevania II

Simon's Quest.

OK, let me get one thing clear about this, I don't hate this game, in my opinion I think Simon's Quest is a decent edition to the series, but sadly the people who made the game got lazy. REALLY lazy! The plot is simple, after Simon defeated Dracula all his body parts where scattered through out the land into diffident mansion, so it's up to Simon to ride the curse Dracula once and for all. And the way you destroy him for good is to throw a stake at an orb. -_-' *sighs* To be honest, I expected a better plot really. But the replay was very high, and the graphics and sound still have that Castlevania atmosphere.

HAHA! Take that you strange sliver wolf?...

Ummm.... yes?

O_O HOLY SHIT!

Two against one? BRING IT ON!!

*sighs relief* Glad I used that cheat of taking another picture to win. 

O_O ZOMBIES!!!!

TASTE THE RAINBOW OF HOLY WATER MOTHER FUCKER!

(sings) I have often walked, down this street befo... 

WHAT THE...??!

*Sighs* Oh yeah... this bit.... Why would the game designers put something SO annoying and is it really necessary to interrupt the game every few minutes? Also like I said in my previous review in Castlevania 1, the hearts in that game are ammunition, but this game the hearts are... money?.... Well.....

MAKES SENSE TO ME!!!

Well at least you can still get your pork chops from the dirty walls, still strange to me but hell it's Castlevania how could it be worse?

OK, Destroyed the first orb and now.... 

   

I now poss..... wait...

"Prossess"?

"PROSSESS"??!!!

   Oh dear... please tell me this isn't going to be a recurring thing... right?

...... Appaer?...

O_O!

APPAER!!??

OK I'm going to borrow this saying from a mate of mine, who also does reviews on the internet. But if you want to get your facts right, or this case GETTING your spelling mistakes right! You go back and you...

TRY

AGAIN!

*Breaths in deeply* Moving on.... 

Oh before I do move on, I also notice that the text not only doesn't get it's words right or they don't make any sense but, they straight up lie to you. I KNOW RIGHT?! Why would you put that in a game? From my experience the only ones who should lie are the characters IN the game, NOT THE FUCKING GAME PROGRAMMERS! OK I need to calm down... *Takes a deep breath* OK, let's try and continue this shall we? As you carry on playing you begin to notice that this game doesn't give you some very good tips... no shit right?... So I'd advice you to use the internet for the information, or just use your old Nintendo Power book. Takes you back doesn't it? I will say also that there are some other parts in the game that are annoying, like some of the jumps! My god it took me 15 minutes to get from one platform to another because of a stupidly placed wall in my way. The enemies in the game are just... well... in my opinion always pointless. But the only enemy in the game that really annoys me are...

These stupid blobs!

I'm serious! These things can get you anywhere even on the fucking stairs! GOD! *sighs* I really hate those blue buggers. 

With the bosses... WHAT BOSSES?! Really! You don't even have to fight them! You can just walk into their room and walk to where Dracula's other pieces are. Not only is this disappointing, but it just shows how the game designers were really... FUCKING LAZY! Correct me if I am wrong, but is it just me... or is there only three bosses in the whole game?... 

Oh look! The Face of Boe! Hi Jack!

AH! Death, your back. Excuse me need to... destroy Dracula...bye.

And after all that "trouble" and have collected all of Dracula's parts you take it to a chamber and then attack it, and... that's it. THE EASIEST BOSS EVER!

Wow... Dracula, you look like nothing from your two original forms!

  And then finally you've completed the game and for some reason it decided to rip off a Terminator line.

Count Dracula, you are terminated.

So, that's Simon's Quest everyone! Was it any good?

"Everyone": No!

But did you enjoy it?

"Everyone": HELL YEAH!

Sure there are many problems with the game, plenty of spelling mistakes and loads of lazy ideas in it. But like I said before the replay value was high for me, and a lot of other fans of the series. It's one of those games were you can sit back with your friends and have a good laugh with, sure it a sorry excuse for a sequel from the original classic that is Castlevania 1, but it's still a fun game to play and when your taking turns fighting the bosses and monsters it's pretty fun. The graphics are just fantastic from the first, and the music... just epic. 

   

Have a listen.

Well that's Castlevania II Simon's Quest. I hope you've enjoyed this review, and join me next time guys. When we take a look at a much more awesome and better sequel/prequel to the Castlevania series.

Join me next week as we take a look at the last NES title, that is...

Castlevania III

Dracula's Curse.

The Whalley.

The Whalley Reviews: The Castlevania Games Part 1 (Video Games New Looks)

OK, before I begin this review I need to get something out the way first. Yes, the Angry Video Game Nerd already talked about these games and yes I am going to be talking about the past games before Lord of Shadow. And also I will only be reviewing the games I've played and have personal memories to and not every single Castlevania games, because.... that will take WAY too fecking long. 

OK, with that out the way lets get down and review the Castlevania games, and in the words of the Nerd himself, "This is Castlevania the way I remember it."

Castlevania I

My first real memory of playing the first Castlevania games was back in 1995, and to answer your already burning questions I know the game was released in 1988 (European) and I wasn't born during the 80's I was born in the early 90's but! Because of my older sisters boyfriend was into games, he introduced me to the old NES games so I got to play Super Mario Bros, The Legend of Zelda and all the other great titles. And then... a friend of mine came over one day and gave me four new games to play, the Castlevania games, and only one was for a different console. I took one look at the cover of the first one and I'll be honest I was really worried about playing this game, seeing the picture of Dracula really made me think twice about playing this, but my friend convinced me to give it a try at least and... HOLY DAMN THIS GAME IS AWESOME! 

 O_O

My god... this is good!

 :) Come get some you.... strange cartoonish bat!

:O MY GOD, DEATH?! DEATH TAKES ORDERS FROM DRACULA!?  

  Dracula!... We meet at last. BRING IT ON YOU OLD BASTED!

  

  HA! I did it! I beat your wrinkly old ass and knocked your head of...  

 O_O! OH MY GOD!!!!!

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

O_O'

*Sighs deeply* I'll be honest me and a couple of friends who I was playing the game with, were in celebration on beating Dracula at last! But little did we know that Dracula wasn't done with us and wasn't going down that easily. And then WHAM! He turns himself to the demonic form of the Cookie Monster and scared the living hell out of all of us! My god! Never in my life have I known the story of Dracula and ever heard of him turning into A F***ING LARGE HELLISH DEMON MONSTER WITH WINGS!

(screams) AHHHHHH! 

..............................

..... You can already tell.... none of us slept that night.  

What can I say? It's a side scrolling, 2D, action game at it's finest, and with loads of really epic boss battles to go through how could you possibly hate this game? I hell! you even fight Frankenstein! And let me tell you finding out all these monsters who, lets be fair here could run their own castle and plot, but no. They are Dracula's minions and hell! Even Death follows orders from Dracula! How mad is that!? The graphics and sounds are just memorable, and this game is simply a brilliant masterpiece, and I love playing this game.

O_O!

-_-'... What?! I never said it wasn't easy! 

Well let's be honest here, the game isn't easy to beat and all because of a simple thing, that was the only problem in all the Castlevania games, you jump back every time you got hit and if you near a hole in the ground and at full health, your dead anyway. It's easy to say that looking for a fair challenge in this game is questionable, but you can still have a lot of great fun and it gives you enough challenges for you to grip you to still keep playing it. Also I must also mention that the Castlevania games always had some bloody good music to go with it, like the music form the first time. Take a listen.

Epic or what?

But for a good game there is also some weird things in there I never understood why, for instance when you whip a wall you find a pork chop there and it refills your health. WHY WOULD YOU EAT THAT?! I mean yeah it helps you, but let's be honest here why would you eat a pork chop you've just found behind a wall? It must be dirty as hell! Although that would be very convent if your ever in a rush and really, really hungry. Another thing I found weird was when you whip candles in the game hearts come out?... OK? Why? That's sort of can confuse the gamers a little when gamers are already know that hearts in other game refill your health when you've taken damage, but in Castlevania the hearts are ammunition. Hearts are ammunition? Ha! Maybe Mar-ti from Captain Planet could use some pointers on how to use them and then, he won't be so useless. HA! Anyway, Castlevania was and still is a brilliant a remember-able game for so many. I will would talk about the ending credits... But I think the Nerd covered that well enough. Well that's Castlevania 1 and now on to...

(Everything stops.)

O_O

*sighs*...

-_-'

Join me next time, when continue our journey on the Castlevania games, and then next we deal with... *sighs*

Castlevania II

Simon's Quest. 

The Whalley.    

The Whalley Reviews: Nuts and Bolts (Video Games New Looks!)

............................................................

(sings) *AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, HOLY SHIT! WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!!* I can't believe you did this to me, god damn it! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? 

OK, OK... I must calm myself down... *breaths in deeply* OK let's get it and review.....

Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts....

OK, well at the start of the game it looked promising, we had the menu screen looking somewhat like the other games and then when I pressed the "Single Player Mode" and when the loading screen came up I found myself listening to a tune I haven't heard in ages, and it turns out to one of Rare's first games BattleToads!...... ha, nice tough... and then we see a flashback scene that shows the first games and the rivalry between Gruntilda and Banjo & Kazooie. After that we finally see...... 

O_O! They.....oh my.....oh jeez, my god..........OH MY GOD! THEY GOT FAT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WHAT THE F***?! 

OK.... calm down.... it isn't that bad and to be honest I did found it sort of funny, but... I find it hard to believe an active bear with a red bird in his bag pack who has twice been on adventures and traveled to many lands or worlds suddenly decided to get lazy and eat NOTHING BUT FECKING PIZZAS!!!!!...... I really need to calm down, or I'll never finish this review. So after seeing them.... like that! A radio tells us it's been ten years sense they were created and now... they're all fat and washed up!.... HA! IRONY!!!..... The opening does sort of remind me of Conker, but instead of it being funny Banjo just keeps telling us he should of ordered a small pizza..... 

Who does he think he's trying to be?! The fifth turtle?! 

OH GOD! TAKE IT AWAY! GO SHH!! TAKE IT AWAY!!!!.....

..... *sighs* Right, after moving around for a bit, we meet up with Gruntilda and it's just like old times again and when they were about to begin their epic battle once again!......

PAUSE

The...hell?....

I didn't pause the game?.....

Oh! It was this guy that did it!..... Ummmm.... who are you?....

We meet a new character calling himself.... The Lord of Games?.... or L.O.G. for short..... Self Obsessive Dick more like! Or S.O.D. for short. :)

I'm sorry if I seem to be completely hating this game but in truth I'm not. I'm more shocked then anything because this to me doesn't feel like I'm playing a Banjo and Kazooie game, it feels more like.... I don't know it just feels off..... Anyway L.O.G. after watching Banjo and Gruntilda trying to collect what he calls "Pointless objects" -_-' *sighs* he says that it's too painful to watch so to... and I can't believe I'm saying this... Get down with the kids!... or as he says it broaden the demographic he'll come up with something original. OK, L.O.G. you've got my attention, what'd have in mind?

 .........

......Cars?....

 Planes?.....

 Boats?!.......

What....the......O_O....

THIS IS IT!? YOU REALLY CALL THIS ORIGINAL?! I could name loads of games that have cars, boats and planes, L.O.G. like the Gran Theft Auto games for one!!! Now I know what your thinking and in a way your right, I am over reacting too much about this. But take it from a guy who grew up with the old games, where the whole games where about the adventure and collect things, and then to find this new game where it's all about Lego cars. I just can't see this as a Banjo & Kazooie game I see this more a..... Lego car racing game more then anything, but I will admit something which may shock you all after all the crap I've gone on about this. 

I had a laugh with this. In other words I enjoyed it for the most part.

So as I continued to play the game I found myself repeating the same question... What do I do?....

No really I don't know where to go? Somebody, TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND WHERE TO GO!? Later I found out I had to talk to people to unlock missions, but even then I found it hard to carry on playing at that moment and also I found out something else about this game......

Banjo and Kazooie's world is EMPTY!

When I found out I can move around without the cars I went exploring a bit and found I could go anywhere, but found nothing. the world is massive and it has nothing in it! IT MAKES NO SENSE!

I almost get the feeling that this. >>>   

     Was originally going to be Banjo Threeie, but I can't find any prove nor evidence to validate this idea of mine.

But like I said before I did enjoy this game for what it is, and had some fun building the cars and hell! I even ran over Gruntilda a couple of times too. *evil laugh* >:) Is it a Banjo & Kazooie game to me? No. But it is nice to see the characters again and have fun with them once more even if I feel this isn't a Banjo & Kazooie game to me. Is it really a bad game? No, but bad choices where made in my opinion, but I do like this game. The graphics are pretty appealing and the colorful, Banjo, Kazooie, Gruntilda and all the other characters in the game are very well detailed and good and Banjo controls are really good on the ground. The real game is... not completely boring, just lacking something. I will say this also about the game, it does show some promise for the future of Banjo & Kazooie. If they decide to finally make Banjo Threeie I really think it'll be a really good game. 

Would it live up to the originals? 

I don't know, but we can only hope that they will make it and it will be a good game, just like the original ones.

*sighs deeply* Ah! Memories....  

So that's my first written review and my first game review tune in next time when we continue our journey, and find out what's been happening to our favorite characters. Next week we take a look at.....

*sighs* Oh boy... This will be a long one.... Next week, the Castlevania games.  

The Whalley.